


The Road to Hell

by Myou



Series: FellPoth Short Stories and One-Shots [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Domestic Violence, FellPoth - Freeform, Lurik, M/M, Short Story, Suicide Attempt, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 21:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30061896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myou/pseuds/Myou
Summary: Rurik lashes out at Lotus after being confronted about his behavior and Lotus decides to take his advice.
Relationships: Rurik/Lotus
Series: FellPoth Short Stories and One-Shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2210445
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter Warnings: Domestic violence, depression, attempted suicide, swearing

"You're a real bastard, you know that?!" Lotus screeched as his housemate walked through the door. Rurik's star-shaped eye lights narrowed at his tone.

"What the hell are you on about now?" Rurik groaned and slammed the door, kicking his boots off and trudging over to the kitchen seeing as dinner wasn't prepared. The smaller skeleton followed him as he began rummaging through the cupboard.

Lotus shouted, "You know full well what I'm ' _on about_ '! You were screwing around with my pansy cousin again!" Goth wasn't the only monster or human Rurik would fool around with by a long shot; his partner had always been promiscuous... but his cousin was definitely the one that pushed his buttons the most. Was his boyfriend really so dissatisfied with his presence that they felt the need to seek out someone that looked just like him?

"Oh stars, not this shit again," the taller grumbled, grabbing a bag of chisps from the cupboard when nothing else appealed.

A single red eye light wisped with agitated magic, "Yes, _this_ shit again! You're always out at all hours of the day messing around or fighting, then you come home and expect me to cook, clean, and give you everything you want as if everything's fine! Why can't y-!" Rurik's temper snapped and their hand made contact with Lotus's face, cutting his tirade short and sending him to the linoleum floor with a throbbing mark on his left cheek.

"Don't you _ever_ tell me what to do, you whiny little _shit_!" Rurik's voice rumbled; his expression grew darker as he glared at the cowering figure on the floor, " _I'm_ the one in charge here, not you! One of your jobs in return for living under my roof is to have dinner ready when I get home... so yeah, I expect _dinner_ instead of a lecture! In case you forgot, this is _Underfell_! If you're so damn unhappy with the way things are, then do the world a favor and go kill yourself 'cause nobody wants to hear it!"

Rurik stalked off to his room, slamming the door as Lotus remained motionless; the fight was completely sapped from him as he laid there, clutching his stinging cheek as he fought the tears welling up in his sockets. It took a minute before he was able to pick himself up from the ground and stagger to his room, flinching at the sound of crashing from his boyfriend's room.

Wrenching his door open, he stumbled through and let his back press it closed once more. Within the silence of his room, he slid down the wood, letting his tears fall.

What the hell was he even doing here?

That one was easy enough to answer. He spent the first sixteen years of his life being tormented and beaten by his parents; it was _supposed_ to toughen him up and make him strong enough to survive the hardships of life. Unable to cope with the constant stress, he eventually ran away from home where he quickly found their LOVE had done nothing to prepare him for a life on his own. He was small and looked weak; a perfect target for bigger, stronger enemies. His only saving grace that fateful day in the alley had been Rurik happening by and running off the monsters trying to dust him.

Afterward, Rurik had given him a new place to call home away from his abusive parents. Lotus did everything in his power to show the other his gratitude, even giving up his first time when it was asked of him. A year and a half into his stay, they had agreed to start dating and things finally looked good; as the years wore on, though, the ex-soldier grew colder and more violent toward him.

Why wouldn't he? Lotus was useless... nothing but dead weight. Sure, he could cook and clean, but meals nowadays passed in silence if they even ate together at all. He made a decent income as a reaper, but Rurik really didn't need the money; the house was already paid off by an absent father and utilities were a non-issue. Put simply, he was nothing more than a burden; he had no purpose or ambition outside of pleasing his boyfriend, and he couldn't even do that right anymore.

His parents hated him and now Rurik was sick of him... was there a point in anything...?

_'do the world a favor and go kill yourself'_

The words echoed in his skull, driving him to a grim conclusion... that was the only thing left that would make Rurik happy.

Pushing himself off the door, he reached back to flip the lock before shuffling over to the worn desk next to his bed. Pulling out a piece of paper, he sat in his chair and began to write; the words flowed alongside his tears as he poured his final thoughts out onto the paper. Signing his name, he tossed the pencil and stood... the only question now was how he planned to carry out his final act.

Rurik kept all the medicine in the master bedroom's bathroom, and he was currently in there. Lotus couldn't stand knives and blood would just make a mess to clean up after he was gone, so stabbing or cutting himself was no good. His eye light fell on the closet and an idea popped into his head. Opening the sliding door and searching the shelves revealed a length of rope; it was an old prop previously used for the pair's 'roleplay sessions', back when he was still considered an appealing distraction.

Pulling out his phone, a quick internet search and some scrolling past pointless warning labels provided him with an easy tutorial for a hangman's noose; he followed the steps, throwing the end of his finished noose over his ceiling fan once he completed the knot and securing the end to a bedpost.

Grabbing a chair, he stepped up and grasped the loop in the rope, taking one last look around his room; it was sparsely decorated, only holding objects that held sentimental value to him and some books. One of the items, his most precious, was the first rose Rurik had gotten him; it was dried and pressed in a frame alongside a small picture of a grinning Lotus and a grumpy Rurik... it was also his last.

The evening had started off fine, but one mishap had gotten the proverbial ball rolling; one thing led to another and by the end of it, Rurik had stormed off in a rage, leaving Lotus alone at the table for hours before he finally went home by himself. They never went out again after that; it probably should have been his first sign... he supposed better late than never...

Slipping the rope over his neck, he was nearly startled off the chair when the door rattled with a resounding bang and a shout, "Lotus, you piece of shit, open the door!"

It was Rurik... no, he couldn't handle this; not now, not when he... he was so close...

"Just go away!" Lotus howled, his voice descending into a scratchy sob toward the end, "I'm giving you what you want..." Taking a final shuddering breath, he slammed his foot into the back of the chair, upending it and letting gravity take over.

Farewell, life...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rurik gets a wake-up call...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Depression, attempted suicide, swearing

Rurik slammed the door, stomping over to his bed and roughly grabbing a pillow, discarding the bag of chisps in his hand. His first punch ripped right through the fabric, doing nothing to quell his anger as he tore the pillow to pieces. He stormed over to the bookshelf, ripping things off the shelves and launching them around the room.

His hand eventually settled on a picture frame; it contained a picture of Lotus and himself, out on their first date... the _only_ date they ever went on. Seeing the reason behind his anger made Rurik's emotions spill over, urging him to throw the object before he even registered the action; he jolted at the resulting crash and shatter of glass, his anger draining away as regret instantly filled the void.

Stumbling around the debris, he picked up the broken frame; the picture inside peeked from behind the jagged bits of glass. Lotus looked so happy... when was the last time he had seen his boyfriend smile like that; better yet, when was the last time he had given them a _reason_ to smile like that?

The date had started well enough, with the pair engaging in their typical conversation topics and banter... but everything changed when the waitress came back with the wrong order. His companion had waved it off, even going so far as to have one of the waiters take their picture in an attempt to lighten the mood, but Rurik wasn't able to let it go so easily; that date was supposed to be perfect, and he had been so angry...

He had gotten himself so worked up that he ended up leaving just so he wouldn't take out his frustration on the restaurant... or Lotus. He was so focused on blowing off steam, it was hours before he even remembered his companion; by the time he made it back to the restaurant, the monster was already gone.

Rurik stared at the mess of stuffing on his bed and the destroyed remnants of his bookshelf scattered across the floor. He slid down to lean back against the side of his bed as his skull tilted toward the ceiling. Lotus was right; he really was a bastard.

He was moody; he refused to back down when challenged and was loathe to take the blame when he was called out for his actions.

He was selfish; he couldn't resist whenever an easy lay presented itself, even when he already had a devoted boyfriend.

He was callous; he _knew_ his companion was constantly plagued by intrusive thoughts and suffered from low self-esteem due to their shitty lot in life before meeting him... yet he still threw insults and said things he didn't mean when his temper flared despite the damage it caused.

To make matters worse, he _had_ been harassing Lotus's cousin prior to arriving home. His boyfriend had every right to blow up at him... he really needed to apologize.

Pushing himself into a standing position and making his way out of his room, he checked the living room... empty; the kitchen was too. Lotus was probably crying in his room again... that would make things more awkward.

Sucking it up and backtracking to Lotus's bedroom door, he turned the handle only to find it locked. His temper rose up against his will as he began to slam his fist into the door while shouting, "Lotus, you piece of shit, open the door!" How dare his boyfriend lock him out! He even came to apolo-

"Just go away!" Rurik heard the small monster howl from behind the locked door, trailing off at the end, "I'm giving you what you want..." He stared at the door... what he wanted? What the hell did th-

The thought was interrupted by something thudding against the floor, shortly followed by a strange sound.

"Lotus?" He called out, banging on the door again while trying to figure out what that noise was; it sounded like... gagging? Wait... no... no, not gagging, choking! Lotus was choking! Rurik broke out in a cold sweat and renewed his efforts to bypass the locked door, throwing himself into the wood and wincing as it held strong against his shoulder, "Lotus! Dammit, Lotus!"

His panic rose as the noise inside the room ceased. Backing up, he rammed himself into the door, stifling a grunt as splintered wood bit into his shoulder; he repeated the motions, throwing his full weight into the dent relentlessly as one thought circled his mind: Lotus couldn't die on him! He would be damned if the last thing they heard was him calling them a piece of shit!

Finally, he managed to create a hole in the wood big enough for him to reach his arm through. Ignoring the jagged splinters that scraped and dug into his bones, Rurik flipped the lock and threw the door open; his soul dropped at the sight of Lotus... _his_ Lotus, unconscious and dangling helplessly from the ceiling fan. Snatching up the toppled chair, he scrambled to grab the limp skeleton; their body slumped against him as he lifted the pressure off of their neck.

Pulling his knife from the holster on his belt, Rurik cut the rope loose; the end dangled over the smaller's back as he stepped down from the chair, moving toward the bed and placing them down. He carefully cut away the tight knot, tossing the broken loop to the floor and exposing an angry red ligature mark where his partner's neck met their skull. As he studied the injury, a new horror dawned on him... Lotus wasn't breathing.

"Shit, shit, **shit**! Think... something, anything...!" He growled to himself, slamming his hand down on the bed; what was he supposed to do in situations like this?! He only knew how to fight and kill!

Catching sight ofLotus's phone tumbling off the bed and onto the floor, he noticed the dimmed screen was still open to an internet search page; snatching it up, he frantically typed in 'not breathing'. 

The first result gave a link to something called 'CPR'. Following the steps, he covered Lotus's nasal passage and blew air into his mouth, pressed up and down against his rib cage, and repeating the process as the directions dictated. "Come on! Breathe, Lotus! Breathe before I end up breaking your damn ribs!" Rurik growled in between presses.

After three rounds Lotus took in a sharp breath, hacking and wheezing harshly until his breathing slowly but steadily evened out and his expression grew slack once more. Re-reading the directions, it looked like things would be fine from there; his partner would live.

Tossing the phone onto the desk, a new thought crossed his mind... What. The. Hell! What the hell was Lotus thinking?!

Rurik's hand raised subconsciously to strike the sleeping monster before him... but his rage vanished at the sight of the mark he made earlier, still bright red and visible on Lotus's left cheek; it matched the bruising around his neck not hidden by his scarf.

Heaving a frustrated sigh, Rurik turned and sat on the edge of the bed as he rubbed his temple. Turning away from the unconscious monster, he spotted a solitary piece of paper laying on the desk; leaning over to grab it, his soul grew cold at the contents: a suicide note.

The note, pockmarked with lavender tears, contained Lotus's anxieties and hopelessness, his feelings of inadequacy, and his absolute lack of self-worth and faith in himself. What hurt the most was his inability to blame Rurik, or anyone else; he considered his death the inevitable outcome of being too weak for Underfell's standards... he really thought he was making everything better by killing himself!

Rurik's own words from their fight earlier echoed back at him. His eye lights dimmed and his soul drummed in his chest; he had flat out told Lotus to die... to kill himself... his temper tantrum had driven his boyfriend to suicide! If anyone was a piece of shit, it was him; what was wrong with him?!

Sniffling from behind Rurik alerted him to Lotus's awakening. Crumpling the paper in his hand and tossing it away, he curbed his self-hatred to focus on his boyfriend. His soul clenched as he took in the sorry state of the monster before him. The skeleton's thin arms were draped across his face as he fought back weak, scratchy sobs; his bones rattled quietly from the built-up stress and exhaustion of the ordeal.

Grimacing, Rurik took a seat on the bed once more and pulled the distressed monster into his arms. Lotus squirmed and struggled in his grip as he positioned himself against the headboard; their efforts had little effect and lacked any strength to fight him off.

He did this to his boyfriend... his precious flower...

"Lemme go," Lotus cried hoarsely, tears cascading down his cheeks and stuffing up his already straining voice, "I can't... can't s-stand this anymore! I... I can't even... k-kill myself properly! The one thing... you tol-"

" **Shut up**!" Rurik shouted, silencing the monster laying against his chest with a surprised hiccup; he belatedly realized he probably scared Lotus with the sudden volume as the silence dragged on, with his partner fighting back their tears. He cleared his throat, continuing at a lower volume, "I know what I said... and it was a shitty thing to do. You didn't deserve those words and I was an asshole for even suggesting something I didn't mean, so... I'm sorry."

His grip tightened as Lotus stared up at him with an eye light blown wide, "I'm a grade-A screw-up; I can fully admit that. I cheat and lie and steal and kill... I can't control my temper most of the time and I have next to no impulse control. I'm the absolute worst... and yet, for some reason, you still haven't kicked my ass to the curb; you find reasons to stick around and love me when I don't deserve it."

"You being the only one giving in this relationship, that's...," Rurik propped his skull against the headboard, staring at the remnants of the noose dangling from the fan, "it's not right; I know that and I've let it go on for far too long. Something needs to change if you feel like taking yourself out of the picture is the only solution to our problems... _I_ need to change."

"I can't afford another fuckup like this. I... I never want you to feel like dying is an option again." He exhaled, trying to figure out how to put his thoughts into the right words, "I know I did a lot of stupid shit and I know I have a long way to go from even being considered a _decent_ boyfriend. I'll probably end up making a lot of mistakes along the way... but if you're willing to stay with me and give us one more shot, then I'm willing to try my hardest to become a better monster; someone who really deserves you."

At some point, Lotus had shifted to rest their unbruised cheek on Rurik's chest, curling up in his lap as they took in his words. He hoped that his words had gotten through, but he was thoroughly prepared to be rejected at the same time; part of him felt like his partner would be happier by leaving him behind. After some silent contemplation, his companion responded quietly, "I... I'd like that... a lot. It feels like it's been forever since we expressed anything other than anger towards each other. Feeling love, instead of LOVE; that would be nice... really nice..."

With a sly grin, Rurik removed his hat and maneuvered himself around. Lotus squeaked as he was pressed into his bed, pinned securely under his partner's weight. 

A gloved hand rose to massage the smaller skeleton's undamaged cheek as Rurik hovered mere inches above their face and crooned, "Clearly, I've been neglecting my precious little flower for far too long... it's about time I do something about that; I need to thoroughly show you _exactly_ what you mean to me."

Lotus's face flushed and his breath hitched as he seemed to take in the meaning behind his partner's words. Slowly but surely, his body relaxed as a gentle smile formed; it didn't quite reach his sockets, more tentative than anything, but the action was a show of good faith... that he was willing to put aside his fears and trust in Rurik one more time.

"Thank you...," Rurik whispered as he closed the gap for a kiss containing every ounce of love he could muster. He shifted to his side and tossed his hat onto the nearby desk, pulling the smaller flush against him instead of continuing the way he would have in the past; he felt Lotus tense up at the unexpected movement, but a light kiss to the top of their skull managed to ease their worries as he rubbed gentle circles into their back.

If he really wanted to change, he had to start by getting rid of his bad habits... that meant not forcing his wants on Lotus and treating them as an equal; he would help out more around the house and get a real job instead of stealing or fighting for money; he would stop spending all his money on booze and cheap dates, and start saving to show his appreciation to the monster that put up with him despite his flaws.

Rurik smiled when he felt Lotus nuzzle into his ribcage and release a small sigh; he continued his ministrations even as the monster in his arms drifted off to sleep, mildly surprised at how content he was in the mere act of holding his boyfriend.

Admittedly, he was a bit anxious and he wasn't sure that the list he came up with was near enough to make up for five years' worth of wrongs. Still... he wanted to try for Lotus; for the both of them. He knew what he stood to lose if he failed, and he swore he would do everything he could to make sure he never paid that price.


End file.
